when disagreements arise

I attest to thee
I rest within these walls of hope
and disagreement
I am amble in my mistakes of amplifying fortitude
I am gracious in my waking hours and long for the depths of wisdom
of the ages I have walked before you were in my eye of existence

you are grave in thought and hope beyond what is possible to escape without billowing sails of intellect
circumstances for long penetrate the flesh
the soul resides lingering above
tethered on a shoo string
but we relent in the possibilities of the ageless
the unseen forces of a bygone day
yourself respect is not lost upon the sea of neglect
your dignity can be restored
you will once again walk among the angels
at your side are those who long to defeat you
demons are within your grasp and belonging is within them too
how can we retrospect what has been implied when we mix the two
heaven and hell once were one before the great divide
and then there was the bang 
that shook all that was inside the fury 
of independence

I am just a jumble

I am just a jumble
a mess of thought
in thought
in wrought
of what has befallen me
in times of disgrace I have unleashed my soul
so as to unwatch my behavior
devoid of self respect
I clung to the disclaimer of human
I flung and tossed about conject
aimed at me as it was a skipping stone upon the sea of neglect
disheartened I sat down
at the waves rippling
effect on the air about me
to gentle for words
I began to breathe again
I breathed as though I had no lungs
no voice to project my terror
that I was still alive
in a body meant to harness stronger men
my flesh grew weak through lack of judgement
and my thought deteriorated so slowly that my skin crawled with weeping
sores from above my head
hung the halo I had discarded eons ago
and never wore again

excuse me while I write

while I write
my own thoughts
hysteria of convictions
self-containing thoughts of contradictions
connections so obsolete that they create constraints 
outcomes are lost
but the future is still there
lingering on an outpost 
of resentment and turmoil
why can't I get my thought s together to write
a simple apology
why can't I say I am sorry
for all the grief I have caused you
caused the world
to self-inflict
the horrors of imagination
have loomed on the horizon
the trepidation of trespass
into a world of resolve
with    a single word could cease its loathing
if only held with meaning and action
sorry
I have wronged you
how can we rebuild
this earth
so that we may all live
in harmony

so imbalanced

I am so imbalanced at times
it seems I'm riding a tidal wave
to self-improvement
and then I crash onto the shore 
of disillusion
and confusion takes hold
as I sink into the sands of weariness

even perfect people

even perfect people have
stories they hide
thoughts they do not share
and acknowledgements
they will not give
or receive
they may go into hiding
just like the rest of us
but peer through the widow
a little more often
their pain is no less real
and they cry no less
but it may be on the inside
for perfect people
are really good at keeping secrets
so, they say
as they rock on the crest of average

just because you spoke

just because you spoke to me
doesn't mean I didn't listen
doesn't mean I didn't hear
doesn't mean I don't love you

it is just that
sometimes the sounds
the words
get jumbled
even though we speak the same language
the words and thoughts get misplaced in my brain

sometimes I am on a treadmill
trying to catch up
other times I am in a sawmill
trying to put the dust back on the boards
so much is missing at times
or is replaced

that I am stumped by a simple Hello
and I don't know if your angry with me
by your stance I see your mood
but the words don't match the sounds you make
all I hear are sirens of panic
my panic
because I want you to love me
even though you don't know who I am
really am
I don't even know myself
All I know 
that both of us are looking for something we can't see
and our voices are not heard congruently

sometimes the dishwasher speaks clearer than you
I can understand the swish and picture the water swirling around
but you are so much more than that
your animations 
are hidden inside
(The thought of seeing that, makes me laugh, as if a movie reel could pop out from your head, and spin me a tale or tell me a story of how my life began) 
But I am here with you
with golden eyes
staring
and sometimes looking away
hoping someday we can converse
in more than gestures that have gone astray

I am now

I am now complete
I find solitude in being alone
I find harmony in being in the company of others
I find joy in the expression of accomplishment
and sadness in defeat
I am weary with all the phases of being human
and I sleep in restful slumber
when it is time to replenish my soul
I am grateful for all that has been granted to me
in my awaken hours
for a day does not pass when I do not find glee or sorrow admist my company 
and forlorn is a long-lost friend
I am too willing to be part of the present
while honoring those of my past
I walk where once great soldiers' tread
upon feet wrapped within blistering undefeated souls of harmony
whose growth upon this earth are as great as the giant oak in my backyard
I am thankful for all the graces the sunlight and shadows have shed
I have wept and cried out for peace
but peace is nonexistence
for growth, harmony and kinship does not exist when all is silent
I will speak of love and sacrifices that all the living has made
and shed a light in the shadows of the many shades of gray

you’re joking

my name is nothing more than syllables
to be sung in harmony
the peacefulness of a name sung out loud
brings tears to my eyes
you can hum my name
and I will join in the resonance
and we will be together
you will feel me within you
within the vibrations