I just want to write

I just want to write about the uncomplicated never-ending romance
we have with ourselves
how we are punctual to view and critique the many facets as though they were to appear on the red carpet of the tongue
my tongue waggles and blurs my speech every time I get nervous
which is most of the time
when I am confronted with another life form
living or non
my mental state sets up scenarios, even that word I had trouble typing, 
as though I was afraid to admit it, 
the tongue of my fingers began to stumble as I typed
but I am human am I not
sometimes I debate that too
for when I dream and I dream often
even when I am awake for I rarely sleep, 
get that deep sleep because I am so afraid I will miss the meaning of my life in the preconscious cinematic preview of the ethereal dream world, 
and then if I wake up to the end of the afterparty I hold on to those last words or setting, 
trying to float back, coax out a rewind, 
but seldom does that happen and I am always wondering how much I put into it  and if it really was not the stream I wanted
I fear I've already stepped on that rock and this time its not going to activate the secret message, or throw the pie in my face
I make a lot of self thrown pies for I claim humility way too often in my semi permeant dream state
I don't even allow my self to be allergy free, 
no matter how much I want a bite of that birthday cake or to sample all the delicacies of my made up worlds. 
I'm even strict, afraid to lie or speak too much truth about myself, and I keep telling myself I am there to find out who I am, but am no more revealing than when I am in reality, 
my reality, the worlds reality where living people ask you questions of how are you doing, 
and you're afraid to say fine when you are crying and dying to speak the truth, 
but you don't want to be one of those people who go way beyond the boundaries of a polite greeting when passing anyone whether you seen then before or not, 
just a causal how are you doin, and a nod of alright how you doin , beautiful day isn't it
am I that wordy when I am deeply in sleep, 
when I can't recall what I have said or done, 
is being totally asleep really a way your body and mind are saying shut up, 
I need to to sort through  
this puzzle 
with out all the distraction of your opinions, 
when your opinion is trying to tell your mind it was a movie 
it doesn't have to be stored over there as a part of your life 
it is a piece of fiction someone else wrote and produced, 
just because I saw it with my own two eyes and heard it with my own ears, 
the vibrations they sent are not keepers, 
its not the scenario I want to relive it can be tossed 
but keep the info I need for that test tomorrow 
stop putting movie trivia in its place