concentric circles

i want to stop going in circles
round and round my brain
i want to find my identity
before i was born
into me, he, she
i want to be whole
not open ended
i want to be free of all this disbelief
that we are free to be who we are

when the times get tough
and they get tougher all the time
to be sincere about your identity
the chain stitch link is snapping 
all the time i am losing stitches
to my concentric circle of friends
who even can recall the had been i was?

I'm not saying had been as a bad thing
for i too have forgotten most of the had
the had dock of it all is fishing for an open line to cling to
to escape to 
to finish off the open identity to my mind
not that i don't ever want to stop changing
i just want to stop climbing the steps to the unknown reality
of who i really am

but i will never be am
and i am grateful for not being me
who used to be
but in the now
i am confused
but knowing that each day i will wonder
who i am
even if i found myself in a self made mirror
i will never come to the acceptance that 
that was me tomorrow

i am in need of solitude
peace of mind
but i go wandering off disheartened 
that my memory is failing me
it has always failed to start and stop when i wanted it to
it seems to have a mind of its own
a mind within a mind seems to have always confronted me
with the possibility that words were not to be spoken or heard
just a temporal beat is what keeps me going
and that is the music of the universe
the true me is in the language of that beat
that mysterious beat is the secret
to my identity before i was born
before i became me
before i became she
before i became he
and long before i became we
we are many minds shared but once i was alone 
and for that is what i am searching for