I miss the reminisce

i can recall the recoil of past events
but it is the events i don't recall
the had now and the had then are so intertwined
i don't know which is real from escaped reality
but in my heart i feel i was blessed with multiple personalities
to have taken part of a wondrous world

a world self-created by all my influencers
those that made me happy or sad
those that make me laugh or cry
are much more prevalent now

i am jovial one moment and a bleating sheep another
i am tender and christened all at the same time
i am experiences and unfractured unconditionally
revolving about the time unknown
i am jovial and considerate in my repeating of words and phrases
i am unexperienced in the preset type of my life
i am happenstance and uneventful
full of life and nonexistent
i am me unknown to myself  
and unknown to others who knew me
i am lost but am found every day to be here
where i do not know
for logic does not govern my bearings
logic is incongruent to the possibility of being live
alive is a word misspoken in the world of self-reflection
for images are always dead