just because you spoke

just because you spoke to me
doesn't mean I didn't listen
doesn't mean I didn't hear
doesn't mean I don't love you

it is just that
sometimes the sounds
the words
get jumbled
even though we speak the same language
the words and thoughts get misplaced in my brain

sometimes I am on a treadmill
trying to catch up
other times I am in a sawmill
trying to put the dust back on the boards
so much is missing at times
or is replaced

that I am stumped by a simple Hello
and I don't know if your angry with me
by your stance I see your mood
but the words don't match the sounds you make
all I hear are sirens of panic
my panic
because I want you to love me
even though you don't know who I am
really am
I don't even know myself
All I know 
that both of us are looking for something we can't see
and our voices are not heard congruently

sometimes the dishwasher speaks clearer than you
I can understand the swish and picture the water swirling around
but you are so much more than that
your animations 
are hidden inside
(The thought of seeing that, makes me laugh, as if a movie reel could pop out from your head, and spin me a tale or tell me a story of how my life began) 
But I am here with you
with golden eyes
and sometimes looking away
hoping someday we can converse
in more than gestures that have gone astray
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