ask me a question and I will tell you a lie for the truth I cannot hide
But the truest truth is something that belies
far beneath my perception
For my truth changes constantly
As the leaves fall from the tree I am renewed
My truths are the leaves
I am the tree
And growth is the renewal of the leaves
I may appear indistinguishable from before 
but my leaves and my core have evolved
So when I tell you
Ask me a question and I will tell you a lie
the lie is the leaf lying on the ground 
Around the roots of my tree
Nourishing new growth
And there for you to carry 
Or blow away

I don't know where I am going
I don't know how I will change
but change I must
for an old passage is closing
and my map in undisclosed 
to me
I'm in a state of shock
a welling of tears hides my existence
a cloud over hangs
a rainbow above
but I do not name the cloud
for I am hoping for wisps of herring bone 
feathering
small bumps of strength in character along the way

you can take a photo of me now
I am ready to be real
ready not to see the me hovering above the doorway to reality
the one fingering the window sash
ready to draw the blinds

you can take a picture of me
with your eyes closed
or open
for I will remain the same
unknown to you
or me

it is just something to be explored
unaware of what will be
when it develops
and that is fine

i keep asking myself that
am i a friend unto myself
if so why do i feel so much woe
why is it i can't comfort myself in the middle of the night
who is it missing when i squeeze myself and say it's alright
you will make it there in thought unknown
you will make it there
you will find your way home
it is not you who is lost
it is the world who has not been found
the inhabitants do not see through your eyes
they do not feel the duty in the beauty round
to keep her whole and safe
do not let her soul escape
with your last breath 
breath into the life that once was yours
without the strife
of keeping it together
so tightly wound was the earth to others bond
that all was 

free to be
the ecstasy of simply me

I find myself intrigued by the mysterious beauty of the natural world.
Cradled in the womb of love and understanding.
Held within the hand of grace I am given the staff on which to base my life.
So much I have to learn while laying upon her belly.
inhaling the vapors of new growth surrounding me
The earth is warm and cools my thoughts into dreaming.
I am a new shoot sprouting curious thoughts about the fruits I will bear.
So, I sprawl and taste the soil with my skin coating myself in scents of all that has passed before me.
I sigh in the form of a purr for I am content to dissolve my illusions of completion.
Looking around me I analyze that I will never be complete.
I want to evolve and renew myself with the seasons. 
not artificially constructed.
but alas I can not 
go about naked other than within my thoughts.
for the space that surrounds me is habituated with societal features I find appealing
So, analyze my intakes and find compromise.
admitting I have failed my mother for I have wandered far from her table many times.
I pray for her resurrection.

i want to move like a baboon.
across my roof
i want to climb the trees like a gibbon
i want to crawl like a lizard
but most of all 
i want to squat like a frog
place my face in the hand of the land
and drink from its tepid embrace
the moves are extreme for one who has grown old
and has learned to stand and sit proper
but i want to grow young and replace my steps
with those that show the weakening of discouragement

give me a heart that cares
for more than under
where's
the love I deserve
I must go out to the people
and serve a bounty of caring
without false hope
that I will be there
when things get dope
together we will see the light
and do what is right for each other's soul
and show that the cornucopia is more than a bowl
served one day in a season

to myself i must behave
badly of late it seems.
for i have quelled to speech
the right to write what is inside of me
until the brew of insanity mixed within my tea
there is only one of mend
the first batch of the day
as morning had long broken the sky was papaya and pineapple
and as i read the morning mail and lingered upon uneventful news.
the flask had become low in its remains the greens shouted out at me
and so into the blender went watercress and the rind of lime.
next the stomach chirped i want more than brew.
so out came the skillet mushrooms and broccoli too.
zucchini, radish, and garlic
Shanghai Bok choy and tomato sauce finished the stew.
Topped off with white of rice strewn and mixed
it was time for the complementary tea to fix
lavender and rose petals to calm the redundant garlic
now out to the garden I must go to sow something more than my being